Urinal Posture

Having used public men’s rooms (bathrooms, restrooms, pissers, <insert your favorite term here>) for most of my life, I’ve notice there are a handful of “typical” poses we/men use at the urinals…based on my informal observations.

Gun Control bumper stickerGun Control

The most common pose at the urinal, this makes use of both hands to maintain positive control.  One for aiming the stream, and one for keeping pants and underwear from misdirecting or otherwise interfering with the stream.

Lean Into It

I’ve never quite understood this.  Holding his tool, this guy leans his upper body over the urinal resting his forearm on the wall and his head on his forearm.  Maybe he’s on some strong meds that make him dizzy or maybe he needs some coffee, but, dude, really?  You’re leaning on the wall in a restroom.  Who knows what’s managed to end up where where you’re leaning.  A variation of this is to use just the offhand (not the one holding the tool) to lean against the wall.  Maybe this is helpful if there’s been a bit of drinking and the wall is helping the guy to maintain a steady, upright position.

Captain Morgan logo“The Captain”

Another one-handed approach, The Captain isn’t quite an exact recreation of the Captain Morgan pose, but involves one hand on the “sword” while the other hand is balled into a fist placed on the hip.  A slight variation has the hand on the hip rather than balled into a fist.  Often, this pose is used by “suits”..partly to keep the coat from getting soiled and partly due to the inflated sense of self-worth.  Maybe it’s not an ego thing.  Maybe upscale men’s clothiers teach this pose to guys who patronize their shops.

The Superman“Look, ma, no hands!”

Yep.  I don’t know if this is due to a fear of splash back or supreme confidence in self-aiming or what.  Maybe their tools are so long they’re resting on the lip of the urinal so they don’t have to worry about a misdirected stream.  I haven’t got a clue.  Usually, it involves both hands on the hips, fists balled like Superman, or even hands in pockets, often holding back a suit coat.

The Recluse

This isn’t a pose as much as it is the guy who, for whatever reason, won’t use a urinal.  Even if all the urinals are free, he heads to a stall, closes the door, and then pisses into the toilet.  Is it a fear of someone catching sight of his junk?  Is there a burning sensation and he’s doesn’t want anyone to see him wince?  I don’t know.  I don’t suppose I will unless someone replies to this or a “study” is conducted.

The poses/postures described here are not all encompassing, they are just the more common ones I’ve seen.  They also don’t address whether the folks keep their eyes to themselves, have wobbly heads that scan the room, or seem to be trying to take a peek at their neighbors…slyly or not.

Got anything to add?  Feel free to comment.

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